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Understanding self-hatred.

When the inner self has been battered with self- criticism you begin to speak negativity to and about yourself. Even when people appreciate something you hate about yourself, you instantly feel they are being deceptive or untruthful.
You gnash your teeth at positive compliments that should build you up. A poor outlook of yourself leaves you feeling bitter most of the time.
One major source of self hatred is childhood experience. A period of time when the child is with his or her Parents. If the child gets demeaning words from parents, guardians or even siblings it would tell on how he or she reacts to self.
A situation whereby one or both Parents never appreciate anything you do or sees you as not “good enough” leaves a scar on your inner self.
Another source is early adulthood, a period of time when you relate with friends either of same or opposite sex. What these people say about you determines how you feel, act and think about yourself.
Self hatred is in stages and it doesn’t just start in a day.
Parents learn to speak positively to your kids. Build love in your home and teach your kids to love one another. Do not condone any form of envy or jealousy among them. And treat them equally without showing that you love one more than the other.

Siblings avoid speaking negatively about each other. Learn to love yourselves because you can never have a sister or a brother anywhere else.

When you begin to grow and mingle with people outside of your family, people called “friends” watch out for those you allow into your cycle. Don’t allow negative people. Relate with people but don’t get too close to someone that breeds negativity of any kind.

Why do you think people hate themselves?
Let me know your suggestions and opinions on what you think causes self-hatred and share your experience.
Feel free to share on twitter, facebook or BBM.

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Ah! It’s sunday again.

As usual sunday is here. Everyone rushing to church to probably get the first seat or look straight into the Pastor’s eyes so the words can sink in.
Or should I say not rushing to church so you can have a back seat and mingle with friends and take a look at who has the nicest shoes or whose dress is gorgeous.
Or better still you stroll to church about the time church is going to end so Mum and Dad won’t say you didn’t go to church.
Any which way, church is Church. You make up the church and you are needed there.

But I have come to realize people have so found solace in deceiving not any other person but themselves.
First before you criticize me, I am a Christian.
But we like to deceive ourselves. Now that you are in church or you are not in church, you feel you are better than the other person who didn’t go or you think you have committed the greatest of sins for not attending church today.
What is your motive for going to church?
Now that you look perfectly dressed outside what about the inside?

Most christians have lost it in this religious race and it is disheartening.
We try to let the world know we are christians but does our actions show we are? Does God even know you are?

The moment every one on earth realizes that God didn’t create us for religion but for relationship, that is when most of those in self-bondage will release themselves. Self-bondage of trying to be holier than others, trying to look decent, trying not to wear make-up because you think it is sinful, trying not wear deodorant(ha!!!) because you think it’s the devil that makes it, trying not to have a relationship with the opposite sex because you feel it would destroy your faith in God. But NOT trying to judge other people. That is the easiest for most people.

Let God be the one in charge stop trying to avoid making mistakes because you will make a whole lot that way.

Avoid pointing fingers at others and you will experience lesser headaches in life.

Live and let live and your joy will overflow.

Listen and learn but sieve out what you think is incorrect(have a mind of your own).

And know that going to church or being a worker or minister doesn’t make you better than those seated in the congregation.
Okay, let me save the rest for later.
Have a blessed sunday and don’t count fine shoes anymore nor look out for who wears brazilian hair.

Posted from WordPress for BlackBerry.

Style Palette by Pearl

In time past, I’m sure we’ve all seen the fashion world evolve with different styles, designs and/or patterns. Yea! The rise of skinny pants and leggings to replace the Palazos of the 80s; peplum dresses/tops/blouses are now on the list of must haves. Fashion trends beaming with different colours put together(colour blocking); and finally, the reincarnation of past styles like Oleku, Suspenders, Jumpsuits and the likes. We can have gorgeous accessories, beautiful dresses and shoes that’d make anyone drool. But here are a few questions-how do we match these colours, accessories? Which cloth suits which event? And which cloths flatter our body shapes/sizes?

So let’s start by learning about our body shapes. There 4 major body shapes for ladies: the Pear shape, the Apple shape, the Ruler shape and the Hour-glass shape.

The Pear Shaped: these ladies have their waists as the widest part of their bodies. Ladies with this body shape look good in wrap dresses, V-necks, well cut A-line skirts and dresses with empire waists.

The Apple Shaped: these ladies tend to have a rounder figure. This is because you probably gain weight in your stomach first. These ladies should go for dresses with empire waists, cloths that hit the smallest parts of your body, most likely below your burst. A dress with a flowing fabric like silk is definitely a GO! Nne, please show some legs

The Ruler Shaped: These ladies look good in almost everything because of their athletic figures. You will definitely look good in a maxi dress with details on the top. Show off your small waist with dresses that have belts or ribbons across the middle.

The Hour-glass shaped: kai! These ladies are well shaped. A true hour glass shaped lady is about 10inches smaller at the waist than her burst and waist. Like me*i wish*…hehe! For a good look, a wrap dress on the true waist would look great. What about a fitted dress? Honey, that’s a definite YES!!!

So, I hope with few these points of mine, I’ve been able to convince you and not confuse you on which figure you have…hehe*wink*

Elizabeth Oluwapelumi Dada- ‘Pearl’ is a young lady with a heart filled with so much love for GOD and thriving to be a positive change to my generation. Ooooh yea! I’m a gift to this world…hehe! By HIS grace, I’m an entrepreneur, CEO Desirez by Pearl. Desirez by Pearl is a growing management firm that’s involved in Event Management(including wedding proposals), Interior Decoration and Wardrobe Management. I love fashion, colours, planning, counselling, reading inspirational books, talking, dancing, music and teasing.
Hotline: 07031993374 or pin:2A9CA59F…you can follow us on twitter @DesirezByPearl_ *wink*

OUR KIDS: That dark side we ignore!

It is said that “one shouldn’t judge a situation one has never been into” but now that means I can proudly say I have experienced this and I’m experiencing it right now.
Almost 5months now that I started service year. And each day I count and want it to end. At first I didn’t want to write about it. I wasn’t happy about it but at the same time I wasn’t propelled to write about it. So now is the time I guess.
Did you know somewhere in Nigeria, a 13year old girl is pregnant for a bricklayer?
Did you know that a 14year old J.S.3 boy has been sexually harassing a 13year old girl in J.S.2?
Did you know that a teacher slept with a J.S.3 student and had to get married to her according to her father’s instruction.
Did you know a 13year old already knows how to abort and the drug to use.
Did you know that in a classroom students take alcohol while lecture is going on?
Do you know a 15year old girl already goes to the “club house” to dance at night for money?

All these and many more go on in this country somewhere.
From my research and observation, I have discovered reasons why this is going on.
1.) IGNORANCE: this is our number one “disease”. It funny how lack of education is destroying the life of young people. Whether formal or informal education, one of this is lacking. Some of these girls do not even know what a sanitary pad is; but they know what sex is. They have experienced it and will educate even you the Parent.
Sex education is usually avoided by so many parents. When a mother doesn’t even know what birth control is? How will she educate a child about sex? Charity they say begins at home but most of these Parents are rarely available for their kids, they spend most time outside to get money for the family.

2.) MEDIA: the media has done more harm than good to these kids. They struggle to get what they see their role models have even when they haven’t gotten the concept of “hard work” and “read”. They want the shortcut to success because what most of their role models portray is that.

Some of them don’t know the “Minister for Education” but they know who does that dance move or sang that sexually appealing song.
They see a lot.

The government can only do little; so we shouldn’t be looking for support from them but let’s start from the homes.

┬╗Educating your child about sex isn’t a sin. You are only helping them. But be careful how you do it as well. If you don’t know something; check google you will find almost anything there. Read more and explain to them as simple and lovely as possible.
When its time to whoop your kid’s ass please do; employ positive reinforcement when you have to. Study your kid to know if you being strict will help or not. Instead of getting better, some children won’t still listen when their parents are strict. Study your child.
Talking about sex especially to children is considered a taboo in many African
communities, yet sex education (SE) is probably the most cost-effective intervention by
which young people can protect themselves against abuse, exploitation, unintended
pregnancies, sexually transmitted infections (STI) and HIV/AIDS.

┬╗Inspect the schools you want to enroll your kid(s) in: some of these kids do not know much but you sure know when wrong is wrong and what right is.
Help them by choosing good schools. Let them have good education.

Wole soyinka asserted; “the child you didn’t train will kill the child you trained” and that can be seen in our community. At the end of the day, the armed robber that wasn’t trained will kill the comfortable family man”.

┬╗Educate others as well: not every mother had the opportunity to get education, so also not uneducated parents are illiterates.
Some people love to argue what they do not know; explain in a constructive way to them. Help co-parents as well when you are in a cycle of friends. Educate them on what you know is right and let them apply appropriately. Don’t force your beliefs on them because their family pattern is different from yours

Let’s help our girls, our boys and our society.
They know not the implications or consequences of what they do most times.

Further reading:

Why I love you beauty!

How I love that you love
How cool it is to find pleasure in you
You are a game planner
I set the game time
How funny it is to find you
Those moments of joy with you
How wonderful it is that you love me
Why I love you beauty

Days go by, I remember you
I think about you and pray for you
Even in the darkest of mood
I still admire you
Why I love you beauty

Oh remember that day with you
The tears and the laughs
The dark and the light
The moment of ecstasy
All locked up in one soul
Why I love you beauty

Pay attention: sshh listen to the heart
It says so much than you hear
It is filled with thoughts of you
Thoughts of me and you too
Why I love you beauty

Beauty beauty Dear beauty,
Do you know I still have that feeling
That longing to love beyond measure
Oh why I love you beauty.

‘And her voice cracked…

And her voice cracked..
This can’t be happening she thought, all of it feels strange. Why is this happening at this time of the day, week or year, why does it feel happiness is quarreling with her, she wants peace, she wants everything from peace to happiness but where are they?
Where will she find it? How will she get it? Who will help her reach it?
Oh she needs help, she’s screaming out and no one seems to hear, she wondered if she is alone or lonely.
Why is life her own enemy? She wondered
It can’t be!
Where will help come from? Who will deliver her from her own mind?
Just when did one bad thing happen? It feels its happening again?
Why is it happening so often?
and her voice cracked…
Tears wouldn’t come out to help her get relieved from the whole chaos.
And her voice cracked…
Staring eyes, moving lips, all directed at her
Don’t they get she is not fine?
And her voice cracked…
Who wants to help? Who will help?
Then she screamed, I NEED PEACE! Then
Her voice cracked….

This describes what goes on in the mind when something isn’t working out, when we are going through tough times; something bigger than ourselves.
We want to talk to someone, interact but we just can’t. One begins to isolate, hiding under the table, holding on to the blankets, not wanting to go out, not wanting to say a word!
But there is hope, you are not alone, someone feels the way you feel, someone is out there to help you. Someone wants to reach out to you. Go out share your story, don’t hold on. You are very unique and marvelous. Just do it! Do it and apologize to no one because in the end, You have only yourself and God.

Who should I blame? Government or My Parents?

From A Child’s point of view!
I’m writing on behalf of these young kids in a big city here in Nigeria.
They have been deprived of good life, good education and everything called good.
Its just sad that these kids have to undergo a lot of pressure just because they want to learn. Some of us had very peaceful lifes in school. The serene environment, the chaos-free area, lovely view to behold, no noise of any type just the sound from the teacher’s lips and maybe the chalk or marker making its mark on the board.
But it is not the case here, they are struggling to read, they are struggling to learn even teachers are struggling to teach. Education seems odd to them even though they still try to come to school to mingle with their colleagues and take the beating of their lifes if “lesson fee” is not paid for.
The child goes back home to find something fulfilling to do, something that would make her happy different from learning. So she finds herself in the midst of these hungry men who take advantage of her, they use her and wipe their lips after doing that. The child goes back over and over again, because she felt good in the arms of a man old enough to be her elder brother or even her father. She gets pregnant after being used up by either a bricklayer or a conductor or even her own teacher(shocking!).
After getting pregnant, she receives the beating of her life for getting pregnant, she is forced to tell who put “it” in her. Oh she’s screaming and crying for help. Her thoughts are: “but I didn’t know, he told me I won’t get pregnant, my mother didn’t listen when I told her”, is it wrong to get pregnant? She is only 13years.
Another knows its wrong to be pregnant at a young age, then she runs to one of the “aunties” in the neighbourhood for help, she gives her the pills to destroy the baby, they call it “base 10”, she removes the baby, her mother discovers, she gets the beating of her life. But she is only 15 years.
The school environment is not good enough so they sort after something more lively and interesting, the noise from the market place where the school is situated his interfering with learning they don’t know what to do. They can’t speak English well, teachers are told to teach in vernacular.
Where is this taking us to? Who is the child to blame? The Government or the Parents?
Where is their hope? They are the future, they need help!