TAKE A MOMENT TO BREATHE

If we say we are all perfectly okay mentally then we deceive our self. That is to say we have never experienced pain, nor have we been heartbroken if not by a partner or spouse by a friend or parent.
If we say we are normal and fine up there that we have nothing we worry about then we lie to our own self.
As humans we have one or two things to worry about either relating to the past, present or future and this thing is the center of our thought most times when we happen to be alone.
Our worry centers on such things as : Will I ever get a job? How will I survive? Will I ever find someone who will love me? Will I ever be normal again after such a horrible past? What will I tell my kids? Will I ever survive this ailment? Will I ever love this man/woman again? And it goes on and on.
We know what we worry about, we know that thing that kills us inside. You have never shared it with anyone, you have tried to share it with someone, it makes you feel awful and hate your own existence. You appear to be fine most times but its all a lie; cause you know deep down how hurt, miserable and heartbroken you are, you have been lied to, stabbed in the back, betrayed and even abused by the people you thought loved you the most, the people you felt could give you their eye so you can see, the ones you thought are friends or family but end up being otherwise.
Your mind has been ruptured by such people and you find it hard to forgive them or even yourself for even giving them a tiny chance in your life.
Now you are left alone and all these crazy thoughts come to mind if to just end it or move on or just pretend to be fine
But you know it won’t work, no amount of pretence will heal you, you need that help but you don’t know where or how to get it, you don’t know who to talk to that won’t betray your trust again, you don’t know who will accept you after all the mess.
You’ve tried to help yourself several times but you failed, you keep failing.
One universal thing in life is Pain. We all have been through a kind of pain or the other. But the degree or level is what differs and what defines us as individuals. However one thing is certain that one who has two legs can help carry the one who has no legs at all. One who is okay to certain level can help the one who is struggling.
But remember no matter what you’re going through, there’s someone out there with a worse condition and you can always try again and start again. Challenge your energy into giving yourself a second chance.

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MISTAKES ARE POWERFUL

MISTAKES ARE POWERFUL
One two three four….
It is done and the regret sets in
The “why’s” and “had I knowns”
The tears of shamefulness
But it appeared to be alright to go ahead
With all the nonsense and irrational behaviors
But now its all gone
Left bitter inside
Feelings of hopelessness
But wait….
Mistakes are powerful
You did it, you’ve done it
Whether anyone noticed or not
The guilt remains in you
Sometimes you pen it down in your diary but other times you decide not to
You keep it all up in your mind
In that tiny corner of your heart
Where only you can reach and perhaps someone you fall in love with
Or may be not someone you fall in love with maybe just a stranger
Someone you met along the line
But you needed to say something about it and just ventilate your mind
It was driving you crazy
That’s to say
Mistakes are powerful
But who the hell doesn’t make one?
Who???
All that should matter to you is showing so much love to yourself
To do what you can to help yourself
To stay happy
Having in mind that your positive reaction towards it is more powerful
To pick yourself back up and move on
To clean the tears with the white handkerchief
Leaving only the stain of mascara on it
But not your own happiness on it
Staying focused as the days go by
Forgiving yourself
Moving on, move on
You’ve made it, I’ve made it, everyone has made a silly mistake
And we all know how powerful it can be
But take this with you as you swing your hips and lift your head up to look straight into the eyes of life
Never ever repeat the same mistake.

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Class One:…But do u qualify as a “wifey”?

Men actually see through the personality of a woman when they are “ready”. It is then that they “fish” out the “real” wifey material. If you think he would choose you because of your beauty, darling you are deceived. If at that time, he his carried away by your beauty, a truly ready man will discard you as soon as possible so he can move on to the next “wifey material”.
Whether he is a good or bad man, responsible or irresponsible, a man knows what he wants. And its a woman who will give him PEACE.
Stop hooking up with him, giving him all the sex. If you do not qualify for his wifey material. Girl, he will discard you. And that’s where the heartache begins.
Why not save yourself the heartache and start working on being the “wifey material”…
If you truly show traits of a wife without deceiving yourself, he will definitely hold on to you.
A man wants a valuable woman deep down even if he appreciates your beauty. Start being valuable and not just available!
Think about this!

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Class Two: Build up your skills and values

As a woman, you have areas of strength that you can work on or improve on. By doing this, you are preparing yourself for the future that you are yet to experience. Someday, sometime you would meet a man who would need your strength to help him pull through hard times.
For instance,working on your ability to encourage people with words can help you encourage your man.
Also brushing up on your cooking skills can help you provide food(a major source of physical strength for the family).
However, not only are skills necessary, values are very important as well. The value you develop stays with you forever. Values build up your attitude towards life.
Unlearn and learn new values.

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WILL YOU BE MY WIFEY SERIES

Class three: You attract someone like you at the end of the day.

It is commonly said that opposite attract but sometimes in a way or the other, you attract someone who has similar values as you.
So watch it when you over do things, don’t over have fun that can make you regret your actions.
Find friends that will uplift you and not draw you back. Look out for people who would help you improve your behavior.
Don’t be too far don’t be too near to people (you will understand that better when you grow and develop in certain areas of your life).
Singlehood isn’t a curse, its a time to check yourself and help yourself because at the end of the day you will benefit more from good acts and you have those quality behaviors to show to your kids that they can learn from and help them through life as well.
At the end of the day, those nurtured values will help you attract not only the right man but the right people into your life.

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ARE YOU THINKING OF LIGHTENING YOUR SKIN?: Psychological and medical implications of using skin-lightening creams

SSL Quote on Skin-care: Never apply on your skin what you can not eat.

Many black women are sold the idea that lighter skin is more desirable, forcing some to resort to creams to try to change their color.
Some women even believe that the fairer you are the more likely one is to become successful socially, economically and romantically
I know we have heard this over and over again that bleaching the skin can cause cancer(of the kidney and skin) and some of us even abuse or make jest of those who bleach but yet we “codedly” mix creams in our bedrooms. Meanwhile when we go for events or occasions, we criticize those who have bleached their skin.
The worse of all is those who do not know they are bleaching but suddenly realize how clear/fair their skin is and then conclude they are getting fresher.
It is however important we check the ingredients in the products we buy before purchasing them. Don’t just read the short notes on the product those are just “marketing stunts”. Focus on the ingredients, research on the product to know the pros and cons. Read the reviews from other people as well. And if there are no reviews, then be sure that’s just an over-the-counter cream that was mixed in one room to be sold to the desperate women who want to get yellow by all means forgetting that a cream that you buy over-the-counter may NOT be medically approved and could permanently damage your skin.
So, I did my research and decided to write this article because of my fellow sisters and women who are about to or are already making the mistake of lightening their skin.
Below are the psychological and medical implications of skin lightening creams:
A survey carried out by the british skin foundation found out that 16% of dermatologists believe lightening creams are completely “unsafe” and 80% believe those prescribed by dermatologists are safe.
Indy Rihal of the british skin foundation also stated that most skin lightening creams contain illegal compounds that can damage your health.
Some of which are: hydroquinone, the most common bleaching agent. Steriods is a common compound which is original used to cure skin diseases such as psoriasis and eczema. Mercury is another dangerous chemical that is found in skin lightening creams that sicken women. Some of the symptoms of mercury toxicity in creams include: irritability, headaches, memory loss, numbness, tingling in the hands, feet or around the lips, insomnia, depression and weight loss.
Skin lightening creams can cause permanent skin bleaching, thinning of the skin, uneven color loss, leading to a blotchy appearance, redness and intense irritation.
So, just before you decide to buy that lightening cream, think again!
Just to add, the World Health organization(WHO) asserts that 77% of Nigerians use bleaching creams. Please help reduce this figure.
Remember beauty is Skin deep.

Some of the contents in this article were culled from the links below, further reading could be done as well;
http://www.nhs.uk/livewell/skin/pages/skinlightening.aspx?WT.mc_id=090901

http://m.huffpost.com/us/entry/1371524

http://www.bbc.co.uk/northamptonshire/content/articles/2007/02/23/illegal_skin_bleaching_feature.shtml

http://www.nairaland.com/244875/skin-bleaching-the-dangers-pix/2

http://www.vanguardngr.com/2013/06/nigerian-women-lead-in-skin-bleaching-who/

How to rekindle the spark in your love-life.

Sometimes we lose the spark in our love lives, we ignore our mates and get carried away. Other times we just get too comfortable that the love life begins to wither. See what Psychologists have to say about that and how to rekindle that spark once more…
http://psychcentral.com/blog/archives/2013/08/18/bed-bored-the-element-of-surprise-in-making-love-last/

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Lady Unique Forum: Dating for 4years and I dont love him.

Good afternoon Ladies unique,
As you know this is a platform for ladies to share their opinions on a particular topic of concern.
Please do share your views you can choose to be Anonymous or include your name.
Your opinion(s) should be posted on the “comment area”

Here is the Topic of concern(TOC) of the day:
Hello ladies, I have been dating this guy for 4years but suddenly it feels strange to marry him. He just proposed and wants to marry me but I do not love him that much. How do I tell him how I feel without crushing his emotions?

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Understanding self-hatred.

When the inner self has been battered with self- criticism you begin to speak negativity to and about yourself. Even when people appreciate something you hate about yourself, you instantly feel they are being deceptive or untruthful.
You gnash your teeth at positive compliments that should build you up. A poor outlook of yourself leaves you feeling bitter most of the time.
One major source of self hatred is childhood experience. A period of time when the child is with his or her Parents. If the child gets demeaning words from parents, guardians or even siblings it would tell on how he or she reacts to self.
A situation whereby one or both Parents never appreciate anything you do or sees you as not “good enough” leaves a scar on your inner self.
Another source is early adulthood, a period of time when you relate with friends either of same or opposite sex. What these people say about you determines how you feel, act and think about yourself.
Self hatred is in stages and it doesn’t just start in a day.
Parents learn to speak positively to your kids. Build love in your home and teach your kids to love one another. Do not condone any form of envy or jealousy among them. And treat them equally without showing that you love one more than the other.

Siblings avoid speaking negatively about each other. Learn to love yourselves because you can never have a sister or a brother anywhere else.

When you begin to grow and mingle with people outside of your family, people called “friends” watch out for those you allow into your cycle. Don’t allow negative people. Relate with people but don’t get too close to someone that breeds negativity of any kind.

Why do you think people hate themselves?
Let me know your suggestions and opinions on what you think causes self-hatred and share your experience.
Feel free to share on twitter, facebook or BBM.

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Ah! It’s sunday again.

As usual sunday is here. Everyone rushing to church to probably get the first seat or look straight into the Pastor’s eyes so the words can sink in.
Or should I say not rushing to church so you can have a back seat and mingle with friends and take a look at who has the nicest shoes or whose dress is gorgeous.
Or better still you stroll to church about the time church is going to end so Mum and Dad won’t say you didn’t go to church.
Any which way, church is Church. You make up the church and you are needed there.

But I have come to realize people have so found solace in deceiving not any other person but themselves.
First before you criticize me, I am a Christian.
But we like to deceive ourselves. Now that you are in church or you are not in church, you feel you are better than the other person who didn’t go or you think you have committed the greatest of sins for not attending church today.
What is your motive for going to church?
Now that you look perfectly dressed outside what about the inside?

Most christians have lost it in this religious race and it is disheartening.
We try to let the world know we are christians but does our actions show we are? Does God even know you are?

The moment every one on earth realizes that God didn’t create us for religion but for relationship, that is when most of those in self-bondage will release themselves. Self-bondage of trying to be holier than others, trying to look decent, trying not to wear make-up because you think it is sinful, trying not wear deodorant(ha!!!) because you think it’s the devil that makes it, trying not to have a relationship with the opposite sex because you feel it would destroy your faith in God. But NOT trying to judge other people. That is the easiest for most people.

Let God be the one in charge stop trying to avoid making mistakes because you will make a whole lot that way.

Avoid pointing fingers at others and you will experience lesser headaches in life.

Live and let live and your joy will overflow.

Listen and learn but sieve out what you think is incorrect(have a mind of your own).

And know that going to church or being a worker or minister doesn’t make you better than those seated in the congregation.
Okay, let me save the rest for later.
Have a blessed sunday and don’t count fine shoes anymore nor look out for who wears brazilian hair.

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SEVEN SECRETS OF A CONFIDENT WOMAN

I stumbled upon this book sometimes in November last year. It is a book for women but men could learn from it as well to help the women around them.
It was written by Joyce Meyer, a best selling author in New York. It is a book that explains and defines what a confident woman should be. It explains the duties and highlights the responsibilities of a woman and a wife.
The book is called THE CONFIDENT WOMAN.
In it, Joyce Meyer shared a lot of useful tips by relating it biblically and realistically. She emphasized on FEAR and how it prevents women from doing what they are meant to do as well as living boldly and peacefully. She also talked about the “Proverbs 31 woman”.
Its a must add to the shelf. It is well packed.
From all that was written in the book, she shared seven secrets of confident women which I will be sharing with you.
Here;
Secret #1- A confident woman knows that she is loved. Love is the healing balm that the world needs, and God offers it freely and continuously.
It is not uncommon to see women who feel unloved. There are women who feel so bad about themselves that they get involved with men that will hurt them, because they believe that is all they deserve.
A confident woman however does not fear being unloved, because she knows first and foremost that God loves her unconditionally.
To be whole and complete, we need to know that we are loved.

Secret #2- A confident woman refuses to live in fear.
“I will not fear” is the only acceptable attitude we can have towards fear. That doesn’t mean that we will never feel fear, but it does mean that we will not allow it to rule our decisions and actions.
Unless we make a firm decision to “fear not”, we will never be free from the power of it. Fear seems to be epidemic in our society. Are you afraid of anything? Is it rejection, failure, the past, the future, loneliness, driving, aging, the dark, heights, life or death? The list of fears that people experience can be endless. However, one has to firmly make their mind up that they will not live in fear.
Fear prevents one from making progress. For instance, fear of people not opening the link to read this could have prevented me from posting this article, but confidence says try and the turn out could be overwhelming.

Secret #3- A confident woman is positive.
Confidence and negativity do not go together. They are like oil and water, they simply do not mix. Being positive or negative is a CHOICE- it is a way of thinking, speaking and acting. Either one comes from a habit that has been formed in our lives through repetitious behavior.
Thinking negatively makes you miserable. Why be miserable when you can be happy.

Secret #4- A confident woman recovers from set backs.
We don’t need to see setbacks as failure. A person is not a failure because she tried some things that did not work out. She fails only when she stops trying.
Don’t ever say “I just cannot go on”. Instead say, I can do whatever I need to do through christ who strengthens me. I will never quit, because God is on my side.

Secret #5- A confident woman avoids comparisons.
Confidence is not possible as long as we compare ourselves with other people. No matter how good we look, how talented we are, or how successful we are, there is always someone that is better and sooner or later we will run into them. Confidence is found in doing the best we can with what we have to work with and not comparing ourselves with others and competing with them. Our joy shouldn’t be found in being better than others, but in being the best we can be.

Secret #6- A confident woman takes action.
There are two types of people in the world. The ones who WAIT for something to happen and the ones who MAKE something to happen.
Some people are naturally shy, while others are naturally bold, but with God on our side we can live in the supernatural, not natural.
We all have something to overcome. A naturally bold person has to overcome pride, excessive aggression and false confidence, while the naturally shy must overcome anxiety, timidity, the temptation to withdraw from challenges and low confidence.
God works through our faith, not our fear.

Secret #7- A confident woman does not live in “if only” and “what if”.
The world is filled with people who feel empty and unfulfilled because they have spent their lives bemoaning what they did not have, instead of using what they do have. Don’t live in the tyranny of “if only”. If only I had more education, more money, more opportunity or someone to help me. If only I had a better start in life, if only I had not been abused; if only I were taller. If only I were so tall…

I have shared just a tiny little fragment of the book. You shouldn’t miss out on all that is in it.
My favorite secret of all the secrets is “a confident woman is positive”. And that is because I have been able to relate with negative people who find faults while they actually have something they are hiding that’s worse off.
Anyway, you should share your favorite secrets with me via the comment arena and we will address together.

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The HAIR SAGA: whats your take?

Natural hair! Natural hair!! Natural hair!!!
Some months ago my research became so fun and intense concerning this natural hair. About a year ago, I decided to go natural for some reasons. I felt more comfortable when I had no weave on my hair plus I wanted to explore with my hair. But unfortunately, I permed my hair again and that was it. So this year, I came across lovely naturalistas in NIGERIA on twitter(thank God for social media) and I started asking a lot of questions and doing my research.
But to my surprise I found out so many women find it however disgusting or should I say weird to have their natural hair on.
I’m not trying to promote natural hair (rather I’m just a natural hair freak…lol) cause I believe we all have our choices to make about how we want to look.
But what do you think about natural hair? Would you like to grow your natural hair? what’s your take?

Style Palette by Pearl

In time past, I’m sure we’ve all seen the fashion world evolve with different styles, designs and/or patterns. Yea! The rise of skinny pants and leggings to replace the Palazos of the 80s; peplum dresses/tops/blouses are now on the list of must haves. Fashion trends beaming with different colours put together(colour blocking); and finally, the reincarnation of past styles like Oleku, Suspenders, Jumpsuits and the likes. We can have gorgeous accessories, beautiful dresses and shoes that’d make anyone drool. But here are a few questions-how do we match these colours, accessories? Which cloth suits which event? And which cloths flatter our body shapes/sizes?

So let’s start by learning about our body shapes. There 4 major body shapes for ladies: the Pear shape, the Apple shape, the Ruler shape and the Hour-glass shape.

The Pear Shaped: these ladies have their waists as the widest part of their bodies. Ladies with this body shape look good in wrap dresses, V-necks, well cut A-line skirts and dresses with empire waists.

The Apple Shaped: these ladies tend to have a rounder figure. This is because you probably gain weight in your stomach first. These ladies should go for dresses with empire waists, cloths that hit the smallest parts of your body, most likely below your burst. A dress with a flowing fabric like silk is definitely a GO! Nne, please show some legs

The Ruler Shaped: These ladies look good in almost everything because of their athletic figures. You will definitely look good in a maxi dress with details on the top. Show off your small waist with dresses that have belts or ribbons across the middle.

The Hour-glass shaped: kai! These ladies are well shaped. A true hour glass shaped lady is about 10inches smaller at the waist than her burst and waist. Like me*i wish*…hehe! For a good look, a wrap dress on the true waist would look great. What about a fitted dress? Honey, that’s a definite YES!!!

So, I hope with few these points of mine, I’ve been able to convince you and not confuse you on which figure you have…hehe*wink*

Elizabeth Oluwapelumi Dada- ‘Pearl’ is a young lady with a heart filled with so much love for GOD and thriving to be a positive change to my generation. Ooooh yea! I’m a gift to this world…hehe! By HIS grace, I’m an entrepreneur, CEO Desirez by Pearl. Desirez by Pearl is a growing management firm that’s involved in Event Management(including wedding proposals), Interior Decoration and Wardrobe Management. I love fashion, colours, planning, counselling, reading inspirational books, talking, dancing, music and teasing.
Hotline: 07031993374 or pin:2A9CA59F…you can follow us on twitter @DesirezByPearl_ *wink*

POTENTIAL VS. CREDENTIALS: Is your potential more essential than your credentials?

Credential without potential is destiny dimensia
Potential without credential can still pave way for an exponential success
Credential + Potential = Hot cake

It’s a beautiful day and I’m thanking God for that. What about you?. I love to share my thoughts whenever I get inspired by someone or a quote.
Early this morning as I was reading through my tweet line, I found this quote by a friend- “My potential is more essential than my credentials”.
That’s so deep to me! Especially when you understand that “greatness is not found in the degrees you have or the grade you left school with. It is embedded in what you carry within you”.
A couple of weeks back, I was discussing with one of my Mentors, apparently his close friend was there as well. And somehow they started off with this topic of “most first class students being so arrogant and all”. So I listened so I could learn then I contributed as well.

While discussing, they mentioned some of their friends that finished with 3rd class or even a pass and they are doing better than they are now. He made mention of a guy that happened to have the poorest grade when they were in school and he asserted that he is the wealthiest among them now.
From their discussion, they mentioned that;
1) People that leave school with good grades (especially first class students), lack “team-spirit”: they do not know how to work with others. That they depend only on their own strengths and find it difficult to operate in an organization.

2) They are arrogant: meaning most of the people that left school with good grades are very proud. They feel they know it all and do not want to learn from other people

3) They are roaming round the streets”: meaning most of them do not have jobs to do, roaming round the streets without anything to do.
Then His friend cited an example of a guy he helped get a job, who happens to be a first class student. He mentioned that the guy really disturbed him to help him get a job, then eventually he helped him get the job but after a few months they guy quit the job saying “his boss is this and that”. My mentor’s friend said the guy so abused the boss that he had to call his attention to the fact that the person is talking ill of is his friend.
I learned from that. That’s credentials!

In life, if you do not have more to you than certificate then you do not understand what life really means.
That certificate is only a paper until you add value to it-“your potential”.
Within this same society, there are people who;
»Are entrepreneurs in their workplace: they have an average grade and they have very good jobs where they inspire others and have very good working relationships with colleagues as well. They love what they do at work hence, they do the work like its theirs.

So also we there are people who;
»Complain each and everyday about how poor the economy is: all they do is sit and complain about what is wrong about the country and how it affects them so badly without even taking a step to at least try. These people are in the category of the: first class, 2-1.

Insights
Do you know that you are responsible for your own life?
Do you know that if you keep complaining about what government didn’t do, it doesn’t mean they will improve for you?
Have you ever made effort to contribute to your soft assets?-your brains!
Have you invested in yourself? Not depending on people all the time.
Have you searched the internet for solutions?
Have you even tried to get your butt off that sit to do something tangible?
Have you been making good use of social media?
Have you taken time out to look at websites to help get a good job?-e.g jobrapido and jobberman.com?
Have you subscribed to get information from them(jobberman and co)?
What are you doing while waiting to get a job?
Are you ready to be responsible for your won life?
Ask yourself these questions and only you knows where you need to adjust.

Remember: “No one will come and meet you to help you, God definitely sends people to help but you must at least leave your comfort zone to meet with them as well”
Have a great weekend and always remember to do something tangible with your life.
DO SOMETHING; YOU’RE POSSIBLE

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7 RULES OF SUCCESS

I came across this piece in my old diary. Apparently, I wrote it about 2 years ago, although I really can’t remember the source because I read a whole lot of things and put them down in my diary as they will be useful in future as it is now. So I decided to share it with you. It could help a confused heart, and help you take a step further into doing what you were created to do.
Check it out:

Rule 1: Decide what you want: one of the very worst uses of time is to do something very well that need not to be done at all.

Rule 2: write it down: think on paper, create something you can touch and see. A goal or objective that is not in writing is merely a wish or a fantasy. It has no energy behind it.

Rule 3: Set a deadline on your goal: a goal. Without a deadline has no urgency.

Rule 4: Make a list of everything you can think of that you are going to have to do to achieve your goal.

Rule 5: Organize your (the) list into a plan: Take a few minutes to decide what you need to do first and what you can do later. Lay out your plan visually, in the form of series of boxes/circles on a sheet of paper.

Rule 6: Take action on your plan immediately. Do something, do anything.

Rule 7: Resolve to do something every single day that moves you toward your major goal. Never miss a day-Read a specific number of pages on a key subject, engage in a specific period of physical exercise. Learn a certain number of words in a foreign language.

The key to success is action. Do not confuse activity with accomplishments. Practice is the key to mastering any skill. The person you see is the person you will be. Think on paper.

I wish you great success, we shall see and meet at the top!

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DO YOU KNOW ABOUT SCHIZOPHRENIA?: 14yr old girl killed & set on fire by boyfriend because he thought she was pregnant.

Case study:
Shaniesha Forbes, 14, was killed by her 20 year old boyfriend who then burnt her body and dumped her remains on a beach just because he thought she was pregnant.
Below is how New York Post is reporting it:
The family of the 14-year-old Brooklyn girl who was allegedly killed by her boyfriend and dumped on a beach blasted him this morning for cowardly slaying her after he thought she was pregnant.
Police had arrested Christian Ferdinand, 20, in Maine on Tuesday, where he had fled after he allegedly suffocated Shaniesha Forbes, 14, and burnt her body before dumping the remains at Gerritsen Beach.

Schizophrenia is a group of severe brain disorders in which people interpret reality abnormally. Schizophrenia may result in some combination of hallucinations, delusions, and disordered thinking and behavior.

Contrary to some popular belief, schizophrenia isn’t split personality or multiple personality. The word “schizophrenia” does mean “split mind,” but it refers to a disruption of the usual balance of emotions and thinking.

Symptoms of schizophrenia:
Schizophrenia is a chronic condition, requiring lifelong treatment.
A person diagnosed with schizophrenia may experience hallucinations (most reported are hearing voices), delusions (often bizarre or persecutory in nature), and disorganized thinking and speech. The latter may range from loss of train of thought, to sentences only loosely connected in meaning, to incoherence known as word salad in severe cases. Social withdrawal, sloppiness of dress and hygiene, and loss of motivation and judgment are all common in schizophrenia. There is often an observable pattern of emotional difficulty, for example lack of responsiveness. Impairment in social cognition is associated with schizophrenia, as are symptoms of paranoia; social isolation commonly occurs. Difficulties in working and long-term memory, attention, executive functioning, and speed of processing also commonly occur. In one uncommon subtype, the person may be largely mute, remain motionless in bizarre postures, or exhibit purposeless agitation, all signs of catatonia. About 30% to 50% of people with schizophrenia do not have insight, in other words they do not accept their condition or its treatment.

According to the revised fourth edition of the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders (DSM-IV-TR), to be diagnosed with schizophrenia, three diagnostic criteria must be met:

Characteristic symptoms: Two or more of the following, each present for much of the time during a one-month period (or less, if symptoms remitted with treatment).
Delusions
Hallucinations
Disorganized speech, which is a manifestation of formal thought disorder
Grossly disorganized behavior (e.g. dressing inappropriately, crying frequently) or catatonic behavior
Negative symptoms: Blunted affect (lack or decline in emotional response), alogia (lack or decline in speech), or avolition (lack or decline in motivation)
If the delusions are judged to be bizarre, or hallucinations consist of hearing one voice participating in a running commentary of the patient’s actions or of hearing two or more voices conversing with each other, only that symptom is required above. The speech disorganization criterion is only met if it is severe enough to substantially impair communication.
Social or occupational dysfunction: For a significant portion of the time since the onset of the disturbance, one or more major areas of functioning such as work, interpersonal relations, or self-care, are markedly below the level achieved prior to the onset.
Significant duration: Continuous signs of the disturbance persist for at least six months. This six-month period must include at least one month of symptoms (or less, if symptoms remitted with treatment).
Psychotic symptoms lasting less than a month may be diagnosed as brief psychotic disorder, and various conditions may be classed as psychotic disorder not otherwise specified.
For further reading on the types, check the link below.

Sources:
http://lindaikeji.blogspot.com/2013/05/14yr-old-girl-killed-set-on-fire-by.html?utm_source=dlvr.it&utm_medium=twitter&m=1

Further reading:
http://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Schizophrenia

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DOMESTIC VIOLENCE: Kelly Rowland in Dirty Laundry

This is going to be a tough one to write about as I usually don’t like to hear cases of men abusing women in any way.
It’s just wrong! Whether you are single or married. Love becomes blind when one doesn’t get out of a domestically violent setting.
Would it be better for one to be referred to in “past tense” which signifies death or for one to be pitied due to a deformity as a result of beating, cutting and abuse?
Who ever knew Miss Kelly Rowland was going through all of that stuff where she was being hurt by a man who once saw her as beautiful?
Who ever knew she hid behind the shadows of “I’m a star” ain’t nobody know my problems.
I once wondered if she would get married like Beyonce as they are sisters but never read in any news she was undergoing torture by some man she’s not even married to.

Domestic violence can take many forms, including physical aggression or assault (hitting, kicking, biting, shoving, restraining, slapping, throwing objects, battery), or threats thereof; sexual abuse; emotional abuse; controlling or domineering; intimidation; stalking; passive/covert abuse (e.g., neglect); and economic deprivation.

Domestic violence is just something that kills everything a “woman” is-her pride, her dignity, her self-esteem, her voice to speak, her ego and all that makes a woman a woman.

Any man who engages in that act needs to be dealt with seriously.
Its so sad when one hears of single ladies who get the beating of their life from a man who hasn’t even put a ring on it!

A comedian tweeted that: “if he can’t smash is blackberry phone against the wall when he is angry, then he should never lay his hands on you”.

Lady, know this if you’re going through this: Your life wouldn’t end if you leave that relationship. A man who will love you and truly cater for you wouldn’t lay a finger on you.
It may seem tough especially when it feels this man is all you’ve got. You got GOD! He’s not your creator. You have a life to live.

Sure, women love to talk and say some really nasty things but that doesn’t give any one a go ahead to “hit you”. It is wrong! And simply wicked!

As a woman if you know your mouth will land you into trouble, please just keep quiet and walk away instead.
But in a situation where what you say doesn’t even cause for you to be beaten and you get that often, then there is something wrong somewhere; that’s where violence starts from.

Are you going to wait till he kills you?
Are you going to watch him hurt you badly even for the man who will eventually pick you up? ‘Cause whether you believe it or not; you deserve a man who will respect you for who you are and so much cherish your body that he wouldn’t want to leave any “mark” on it except a mark of “smile” that signifies he’s treating you well.
Domestic violence breeds self-hate, low-self esteem, low self-worth, tears, jealousy, hurt and everything bad that can cause damage to not only the body but the soul.
The illusion that comes with domestic violence is that you start to believe that “you can handle it” or “he is a good man especially when he showers you with gifts after whooping your ass” its all fake!
Don’t get deceived by all that; its still good when you aint married to him. You can still make a change.

Meanwhile, here is the lyrics from Kelly’s song “Dirty laundry”;
“When my sister was on stage/ killin’ it like a motherf**ker 
/ I was enraged / feelin’ it like a motherf**ker / bird in a cage 
/ you would never know what I was dealin’ with
 / went our separate ways but I was happy she was killin’ it
 / bittersweet / she was up I was down
 / no lie I feel good for her but what do I do now / forget the records off the record I was goin’ through some bullsh**t 
/ post-survivor / she don’t fight / who wanna hear my bullsh*t / meanwhile this nigga putting his hands on me / swear ya’ll don’t know the half of this industry…

Please speak up if you are experiencing such…talk to a friend about it, your Mum, or someone you can trust. You can’t get all the help alone.
And to that Man that does this: Live and let live. If you don’t love her, then don’t beat her, leave her the hell alone and let her live her own life. Only a coward beats a woman!
Sources:

http://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Domestic_violence
http://lindaikeji.blogspot.com/2013/05/kelly-rowland-admits-being-jealous-of.html?utm_source=dlvr.it&utm_medium=twitter&m=1
Further reading:
http://m.helpguide.org/articles/abuse/domestic-violence

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OUR KIDS: That dark side we ignore!

It is said that “one shouldn’t judge a situation one has never been into” but now that means I can proudly say I have experienced this and I’m experiencing it right now.
Almost 5months now that I started service year. And each day I count and want it to end. At first I didn’t want to write about it. I wasn’t happy about it but at the same time I wasn’t propelled to write about it. So now is the time I guess.
Did you know somewhere in Nigeria, a 13year old girl is pregnant for a bricklayer?
Did you know that a 14year old J.S.3 boy has been sexually harassing a 13year old girl in J.S.2?
Did you know that a teacher slept with a J.S.3 student and had to get married to her according to her father’s instruction.
Did you know a 13year old already knows how to abort and the drug to use.
Did you know that in a classroom students take alcohol while lecture is going on?
Do you know a 15year old girl already goes to the “club house” to dance at night for money?

All these and many more go on in this country somewhere.
From my research and observation, I have discovered reasons why this is going on.
1.) IGNORANCE: this is our number one “disease”. It funny how lack of education is destroying the life of young people. Whether formal or informal education, one of this is lacking. Some of these girls do not even know what a sanitary pad is; but they know what sex is. They have experienced it and will educate even you the Parent.
Sex education is usually avoided by so many parents. When a mother doesn’t even know what birth control is? How will she educate a child about sex? Charity they say begins at home but most of these Parents are rarely available for their kids, they spend most time outside to get money for the family.

2.) MEDIA: the media has done more harm than good to these kids. They struggle to get what they see their role models have even when they haven’t gotten the concept of “hard work” and “read”. They want the shortcut to success because what most of their role models portray is that.

Some of them don’t know the “Minister for Education” but they know who does that dance move or sang that sexually appealing song.
They see a lot.

The government can only do little; so we shouldn’t be looking for support from them but let’s start from the homes.

»Educating your child about sex isn’t a sin. You are only helping them. But be careful how you do it as well. If you don’t know something; check google you will find almost anything there. Read more and explain to them as simple and lovely as possible.
When its time to whoop your kid’s ass please do; employ positive reinforcement when you have to. Study your kid to know if you being strict will help or not. Instead of getting better, some children won’t still listen when their parents are strict. Study your child.
Talking about sex especially to children is considered a taboo in many African
communities, yet sex education (SE) is probably the most cost-effective intervention by
which young people can protect themselves against abuse, exploitation, unintended
pregnancies, sexually transmitted infections (STI) and HIV/AIDS.

»Inspect the schools you want to enroll your kid(s) in: some of these kids do not know much but you sure know when wrong is wrong and what right is.
Help them by choosing good schools. Let them have good education.

Wole soyinka asserted; “the child you didn’t train will kill the child you trained” and that can be seen in our community. At the end of the day, the armed robber that wasn’t trained will kill the comfortable family man”.

»Educate others as well: not every mother had the opportunity to get education, so also not uneducated parents are illiterates.
Some people love to argue what they do not know; explain in a constructive way to them. Help co-parents as well when you are in a cycle of friends. Educate them on what you know is right and let them apply appropriately. Don’t force your beliefs on them because their family pattern is different from yours

Let’s help our girls, our boys and our society.
They know not the implications or consequences of what they do most times.

Further reading:
http://www.schooldays.ie/articles/Talk-about-sex-6—12-yrs
http://m.allafrica.com/stories/201204060203.html/?maneref=http%3A%2F%2Fwww.google.com%2Fsearch%3Fq%3Dsex%2Beducation%2Bfor%2Bkids%2Bin%2Bnigeria%26client%3Dms-rim%26hl%3Den%26oe%3DUTF-8%26channel%3Dbrowser%26oq%3Dsex%2Beducation%2Bfor%2Bkids%2Bin%2Bnigeria%26gs_l%3Dmobile-heirloom-serp.3…2631.5103.0.5382.11.8.0.0.0.0.0.0..0.0…0.0…1c.1.DwwqUf3_p6s

Why I love you beauty!

How I love that you love
How cool it is to find pleasure in you
You are a game planner
I set the game time
How funny it is to find you
Those moments of joy with you
How wonderful it is that you love me
Why I love you beauty

Days go by, I remember you
I think about you and pray for you
Even in the darkest of mood
I still admire you
Why I love you beauty

Oh remember that day with you
The tears and the laughs
The dark and the light
The moment of ecstasy
All locked up in one soul
Why I love you beauty

Pay attention: sshh listen to the heart
It says so much than you hear
It is filled with thoughts of you
Thoughts of me and you too
Why I love you beauty

Beauty beauty Dear beauty,
Do you know I still have that feeling
That longing to love beyond measure
Oh why I love you beauty.

SPEAK OUT FOR GOOD!!!

Arise Nigerians!!!

Be our surprise GUEST and Join us tomorrow, Tuesday, 14th May 2013 for a RALLY at the UNILAG CAMPUS

THEME: “SPEAKOUT”: Breaking the silence on psychological and mental health problems in Nigeria

VENUE: School compound (starting point is in front of the school’s bookshop near Ecobank)

TIME: 9am – 2pm

If you are in Lagos and its environs, you can still be a VOLUNTEER (send sms to 08051149585) and help in leading a voice for the voiceless.

There is NO better time than NOW………..
Lets break the silence……………

Proudly supported by World Health Organization

MEDIA COVERAGE: by NTA, CHANNELS TV, TVC, Beats FM 99.9, Radio Unilag, Classic FM, Najia FM, Traffic FM, Metro FM, VARIOUS PRINT MEDIA and many more………

SECURITY GUARANTEED………
(Presence of Military Personnel)

Note: T-shirts will be available at the venue.

…….Be Inspired

Good morning All & do have a lovely day.

Dr. Maymunah Kadiri
http://www.maymunahkadiri.com
BB Pin:2687864B
Follow us on twitter
@speakout4help
Like our FB page: Speakout Initiative International

Broadcast Generously…Thank you

‘And her voice cracked…

And her voice cracked..
This can’t be happening she thought, all of it feels strange. Why is this happening at this time of the day, week or year, why does it feel happiness is quarreling with her, she wants peace, she wants everything from peace to happiness but where are they?
Where will she find it? How will she get it? Who will help her reach it?
Oh she needs help, she’s screaming out and no one seems to hear, she wondered if she is alone or lonely.
Why is life her own enemy? She wondered
It can’t be!
Where will help come from? Who will deliver her from her own mind?
Just when did one bad thing happen? It feels its happening again?
Why is it happening so often?
and her voice cracked…
Tears wouldn’t come out to help her get relieved from the whole chaos.
And her voice cracked…
Staring eyes, moving lips, all directed at her
Don’t they get she is not fine?
And her voice cracked…
Who wants to help? Who will help?
Then she screamed, I NEED PEACE! Then
Her voice cracked….

This describes what goes on in the mind when something isn’t working out, when we are going through tough times; something bigger than ourselves.
We want to talk to someone, interact but we just can’t. One begins to isolate, hiding under the table, holding on to the blankets, not wanting to go out, not wanting to say a word!
But there is hope, you are not alone, someone feels the way you feel, someone is out there to help you. Someone wants to reach out to you. Go out share your story, don’t hold on. You are very unique and marvelous. Just do it! Do it and apologize to no one because in the end, You have only yourself and God.
YoU are a SUPERSOUL.

Who should I blame? Government or My Parents?

From A Child’s point of view!
I’m writing on behalf of these young kids in a big city here in Nigeria.
They have been deprived of good life, good education and everything called good.
Its just sad that these kids have to undergo a lot of pressure just because they want to learn. Some of us had very peaceful lifes in school. The serene environment, the chaos-free area, lovely view to behold, no noise of any type just the sound from the teacher’s lips and maybe the chalk or marker making its mark on the board.
But it is not the case here, they are struggling to read, they are struggling to learn even teachers are struggling to teach. Education seems odd to them even though they still try to come to school to mingle with their colleagues and take the beating of their lifes if “lesson fee” is not paid for.
The child goes back home to find something fulfilling to do, something that would make her happy different from learning. So she finds herself in the midst of these hungry men who take advantage of her, they use her and wipe their lips after doing that. The child goes back over and over again, because she felt good in the arms of a man old enough to be her elder brother or even her father. She gets pregnant after being used up by either a bricklayer or a conductor or even her own teacher(shocking!).
After getting pregnant, she receives the beating of her life for getting pregnant, she is forced to tell who put “it” in her. Oh she’s screaming and crying for help. Her thoughts are: “but I didn’t know, he told me I won’t get pregnant, my mother didn’t listen when I told her”, is it wrong to get pregnant? She is only 13years.
Another knows its wrong to be pregnant at a young age, then she runs to one of the “aunties” in the neighbourhood for help, she gives her the pills to destroy the baby, they call it “base 10”, she removes the baby, her mother discovers, she gets the beating of her life. But she is only 15 years.
The school environment is not good enough so they sort after something more lively and interesting, the noise from the market place where the school is situated his interfering with learning they don’t know what to do. They can’t speak English well, teachers are told to teach in vernacular.
Where is this taking us to? Who is the child to blame? The Government or the Parents?
Where is their hope? They are the future, they need help!

SOUP DIARY: Learn how to cook this Igbo Soup.

I’m not Igbo, I am Yoruba but I get bored of yoruba soup sometimes that I do not want to eat anything yoruba soup.
So I want to change my “soup diary” from yoruba to Igbo. I love food and I love good food. So when I have time, will learn to cook something nice like this Banga soup. If you feel the same way I feel and you want a change of “soups”, try cooking this soup for your next “spoil-me time”, occasion, or just family dinner. The ingredients can be gotten at our “local Igbo soup shops”.

Banga soup:
Ingredients:-
1. Fresh palm fruits (buy as much as possible).
2. Dried fish.
3. Beef (or any meat of ur choice).
4. Crayfish.
5. Onions.
6. Maggi or Knorr cubes.
7. Scent leaves.
8. Pepper
9. Salt
10. Stock fish.
11. Perewinkle.

Procedure:
1. Gather the palm fruits in a bowl and wash thoroughly, ensuring that there’s no sand in it.
2. Pour the palm fruits into a pot, add very little water and boil till fruits are soft enough.
3. With a soup spoon, scoop palm fruits into a mortar and pound, until the flesh is off the seeds. Add a little warm water while pounding (pound gently, to avoid the seeds from cracking).
4. Get the pot u intend to use for the soup and squeeze the palm fruit fibres, extracting the oil into the pot. (Preferably, do this with a seive, to avoid the fibres from entering into the oil).
5. Boil your meat and dry fish, with your usual soup spices). Also boil the stock fish till it’s soft. Mix them all up, to create ur soup sauce. You can actually be doing this while pounding ur palm fruits, to save time.
6. Wash and chop ur scent leaves. (Don’t use much, cuz dey’re scented). U can add some Uziza leaves, for some peppery flavour.
7. Boil the palm kernel extract till the oil rises to the top of the pot.
8. Pour ur soup sauce (i-e. The boiled beef, dry fish, and stock fish) into the palm kernel extract and allow to boil for 5mins.
9. Add ur perewinkle.
10. Finally, add ur scent leaves, and allow to cook for another 5mins.

Your banga soup is ready!
Writen by: Sophia Uwakwe(Psychologist and an Igbo woman too)

Girls Compete, Women Empower!

Are you the type that celebrates your women folk when they start something new with their lives?
Or Are you the type that looks for ways to bring other people down when you see them achieving?
Or Are you a sufferer of this act? Whereby people tend to envy your little progress no matter how small?
Or Are you a girl who loves to compete with other girls?
If you belong to the category of those who celebrate others, then Congratulations! It simply shows you love yourself and above all, you love others in your own little way.

Or girl, do you belong to the category of those who love to bring other people down by showing signs of envy and using words that can mar the emotions of your fellow woman? Then girl, Congratulations too it only shows that you are suffering from “Self-hatred”.
Young lady, if you are a sufferer of this act, then hear this: You are good and fine, the problem isn’t with you, the problem is with them. Pray for them if you can but don’t let them get to you.
It is not uncommon to find people with low self esteem within the society or even around us.
People whose joy lie in bringing other people down, but the ironic thing is these people don’t know they are killing themselves. They are hurting themselves and the problem is simply with them because they hate who they are and are unable to accept their being no matter what position they are.
Okay, I know I sound harsh today but if I’m too BLUNT, maybe I should be SHARP.
If you have encountered people like this before you will understand better and if you haven’t please be on the look out they are mostly people we call friends. They hide under the shadow of “I am your friend”
What prompted this? I came across my Old diary where I wrote uplifting feedbacks from friends and people generally about Supersoullifters and what I was doing to help inspire people.
Some people made good comments and some made no comment; of course some tried to bring me down. What I did when I got feedback was to put them down both good and bad. I have them all in my Diary including the names of these people. Those people who made good comments about what I was doing and those who tried to put me down! I wrote down their names and their comments.
Those people that made very good comments are not even close friends, they are people I hardly communicate with but they just believed in me. But trust, the so called friends were the ones who tried to pull down.
Self-hate is a big problem and its a symptom of low self-esteem, where you find someone who doesn’t like his/herself and tries to express it on others.
They fight to meet up with you and to even surpass you if they can. They compete whenever they have the chance. They want to look better than you, talk better than you, dress better than you and just be better than you in all areas of life. The only person you should be in competition with is the person you were yesterday.
This is not uncommon among the women folk. It is there!
It is said that People hate you for one of three reasons:
*because they hate themselves
*because they want to be like you
*or because they see you as a threat.
To the sufferer, the problem is not with you! Its with them. They find it difficult to embrace themselves for who they are and try to make other people be like them.
Don’t be too attached to these people that you can’t cut yourself from them as they are common among friends. They are overly critical about everything you do, they find fault in almost all your actions, they speake words that will make you feel bad.
Learn to surround yourself with people that appreciate you and like you for who you are.
Get along with people that will see the good in you and encourage you to keep doing what you do.
To the lady who puts others down, these words will help you;
I decide to have a change of heart today, to love myself for who and what I am not to despise my fellow lady but to empower her and bring out the best in her. To love myself and be proud of who I am.
I am fabulous, I am unique, I am beautiful, I am progressing, I am going to achieve my dreams without bringing another woman down.

Thanks for reading:
If you have any question(s) or feed back feel free to put up on the comment arena or send your questions to @supersoullifter or http://www.facebook.com/supersoullifter.

And also, Share with your friends, Sharing is Sexy.

“Will you be my lady series”

Class two:…But do u qualify as a “wifey”?

Men actually see through the personality of a woman when they are “ready”. It is then that they “fish” out the “real” wifey material. If you think he would choose you because of your beauty, darling you are deceived. If at that time, he his carried away by your beauty, a truly ready man will discard you as soon as possible so he can move on to the next “wifey material”.
Whether he is a good or bad man, responsible or irresponsible, a man knows what he wants. And its a woman who will give him PEACE.
Stop hooking up with him, giving him all the sex. If you do not qualify for his wifey material. Girl, he will discard you. And that’s where the heartache begins.
Why not save yourself the heartache and start working on being the “wifey material”…
If you truly show traits of a wife without deceiving yourself,you will attract the “right” man who will definitely hold on to you.
A man wants a valuable woman deep down even if he appreciates your beauty. Start being valuable and not just available!
Think on this!
Feedbacks are highly welcomed.

MOOD BOOSTERS THAT COST YOU NOTHING

In a community or environment where things don’t seem to be going fine or where everything seems to be the other way round in a negative way. An environment where pollution (noise, air) and stress is the order of the day, one becomes tempted to participate in such routine which thereby making one get used to it.

It is said that “the shape your mouth takes when you wake up defines the way your day will go” how then can one influence the way ones day goes?

First of all, before I make known to you how to influence it, it is very important to unlearn some routine and determine to take a new turn of change.

Personally, I have met people who follow through this routine almost every day and it works for them, you will notice it in the way they relate with others around them as well as the way they take care of their own body and self generally.

However, have you ever noticed that what happens during the morning hours often sets the tone for the rest of the day?  If you haven’t noticed or do not agree to that, try and study your body for the next two weeks. Try and take an inventory of your daily behavior. Get a small notepad, write the days of the week (Sunday to Saturday) in a vertical order, the  horizontally write at the top “1st week” and “2nd week”. Below each week , write “morning” and “night”.

During the morning period, write how you feel, then at night after the day’s work, put down how you feel. Do that for the next two weeks. At the end of it, check through what you have written down and take a close look and study the pattern. You will realize that if not all the time, most of the days, your morning mood decides your night mood.

Here are some few tips that have been verified by experts that can help boost your mood on a daily basis:

  • Create a “spoil-me” task: when you wake up in the morning, think of something exciting that you can do for yourself. It could be to go to the movies after work, if you don’t have access to a cinema, watch a movie you haven’t seen on your laptop or try get some from your friends. Buy something for yourself-it could be a nice dress you have been waiting to get. Another way is to make yourself fresh food rather than fast food. Try something different that will elevate your mood.
  • Eat well: sometimes, because of our busy schedules and early morning wakefulness, you could be tempted to skip a meal or might not be able to eat till lunch-break or noon time. If you do not have time to make yourself a good meal in the morning, some of the quick-breakfast that you can have include: a cup of tea (Lipton or moderate amount of caffeine) and bread; oatmeal takes less than 10minutes to prepare. Include in your shopping list: custard, oatmeal, bread, milk, cocoa(milo or bournvita) and honey or sugar. This will save you from developing impromptu stomach upset at work and would help set your day alive.
  • Inhale freshness: Mother Nature provides us with fresh air. Try some outdoor exercise it could be walking round your compound. Researchers found that people experienced an enhanced mood and higher self-esteem after just five minutes of various types of green exercise including walking. Try listening to recorded nature sounds such as running water and birds sound; open your window in the morning so you can hear Mother Nature’s sound as you get ready for the day’s work. Or invest in alarm sounds that soothe you and eases you awake with nature sounds there are various alarm sounds on your phone.
  • Feel good, feel peace: decide to feel good when you wake up in the morning. Take a couple of deep breathes so even when you encounter any frustrations or surprises you will remember to breath and be calm. Music can make you feel good on your way out, to listening to mind-soothing songs.
  • Assess yourself: when you wake up in the morning, take time to assess your body and notice if you feel any stiffness. Stretch lightly and breathe deeply. You will find that you feel present and better equipped for the day.
  • Reflect and be grateful: think about a positive event in your life-how you got into school, how your got your job, when you bought your first car, when you graduated from school, when you started your business, or when you met your ideal partner and imagine what your life would be like if the event(s) hadn’t happen, by envisioning the negative, that way your mood becomes elevated.
  • Smile: Smile has been given to everyone freely. It is something that can be done anytime or anywhere by anyone. You can boost your mood and influence the mood of those around you by smiling. How powerful that is.

Mood boosters are beneficial for your mental health, they help you overcome the chances of getting depressed. By boosting your mood, you are boosting your general health which leaves you feeling fresh every morning.

Send your feedback to the comment arena. Or send to @supersoullifter.

Learn from the ants!

Go to the ants thou sluggard! Its a verse in Proverbs. which talks about learning from the ants. To consider the ways of the ants.
A way to tackle unemployment/poverty is to “always have it in mind that you’re responsible for your life”. No man will help you if you don’t help yourself.
When you begin to think of it that you’re responsible for yourself, you begin to act towards achieving rather than complaining.
Don’t just sit and complain, do something, take a step and something will follow. Keep trying, and you’ll understand better.
Never expect things to happen because it will never happen. Rather, be proactive and determined. Have a passion and go for it. Invest your all in it and you will see great results in the long run. Perseverance is another key to success. Don’t expect it to happen immediately, don’t fight for money now. Think of greatness and not just income. Think of adding value and not just getting paid.
Even the ants work to get their food, they don’t wait for it to come meet them. They go and fetch for it.
Fetch for your progress by being active. Get informed as much as you can.

Stop the what “ifs” and start NOW!

Have you ever be stuck in the middle of nowhere trying to figure out where to should go or when or even how you should go about life?.
Life is a place to learn and grow. Life has its ups and downs. You will get confused, you will be cheated, mistakes will happen, accidents will occur but also there will be happy times.
Don’t neglect the fact that You are human and you are here for a reason. Don’t just see failure everywhere you go. Don’t be mindful of succeeding. Success is a continuous process but except you take a step to be successful, you will never know this. Times will come when you will be motivated, other times you will doubt yourself. Don’t hate yourself for this. Its just a process of growth. You will definitely overcome that feeling of self-hate by the time you continue to work towards being a better you.
Things will begin to get easy and clear to you when you start to understand that you are here because of relationship. Relationship with other people. People whose upliftment or progress is tied to your action!
Pay attention, you know what your instincts is telling you. Don’t just sit there and lean back. Don’t be suspicious of success. Be ready to move and take charge.
Don’t get so scared that you prevent yourself from standing out.
Now the question you should ask yourself is “What can I do to help?” Once you have answered that question, never ever limit yourself. Do what infact ALL you can do to make life better for others and yourself.
Remember by doing what you ought to do to help others, you will find solutions to your own problem.
What if that gift of yours will ignite the spark in someone else to provide a major breakthrough.
Don’t just follow the mediocre way of life- go to school, graduate, get a job, get married, have kids and then what? DIE?
Be a VOICE to the world! Don’t die with your potentials! Guess what you haven’t used up to 10% of your potentials yet. And you have limited time. Life is short.
START NOW!

How to put the “fork” down: Five tips to control overeating.

Do you find yourself eating a lot when you’re stressed?
Do you find yourself hiding food in strange places just to go back and eat later?
Do you eat alone due to embarrassment shame or fear?
Or do you realise you eat faster than normal?
Overeating is usually directed at coping with stress or emotional problems. But it could lead to other problems like diabetes, high colesterol, hypertension, heart disease, stroke and kidney disease.
Research shows that a compulsive overeater can consume 5,000 to 60,000 calories in a day.
As earlier stated, overeating is usually due to an underlying deeper issue such as anxiety, depression, low-self esteem or loneliness). An individual then tries to deal with the issue by consuming lots of food in order to push down the issue.
Here are 5 Self-help tips that can assist you in controlling and coping with emotions and stress in a positive way.
Step 1: Understand what overeating is
we have been able to establish this from the introduction. By knowing more about what you’re facing, you can learn to move to the next step of help.

Step 2: know what makes you overeat.
Do you overeat when you’re under stress? Or when you are alone? Or Do you find yourself overeating when you visit a friend or family member?
Take time to discover what triggers it. Take note and study your self.

Step 3: Make a decision to change
The most important part is being aware that overeating is a problem and then accepting it. You need to learn to take a step so that seeking will help become easy for you.

Step 4: Have a confidant
Overeating could make you feel embarrassed. However, “overeating” is not the problem in the real sense, the main problem is what makes you overeat at that time?
Being able to answer this question would give you the confidence to discuss with someone you can trust. Workstress, maritatl stress, emotional breakdown or anxiety could trigger overeating. Learn to talk to people you can trust. Having someone to talk to will go a long way in helping you heal.

Step 5: Join a self-help group
There are online self-help groups where you can share your stories and find others who are going through the same thing as you.
Don’t feel bad, overeating doesn’t make you less a good person, it simply means you’re going through something at that particular time.
Seeking help is a way out.
Supersoullifters is an avenue to ventilate your mind and share your experience. We are here to help you and to lift your spirit.
Feel free to share your experience or that of a close friend or family on the “comment arena”. That is a step to healing.
We love you.
Soremekun Eniola,
Mental Health Educator of Supersoullifters

For further reading: http://m.lifehacker.com/5934802/science-explains-why-we-overeat-and-how-to-stop-it
http://casapalmera.com/7-signs-of-compulsive-overeating/

HELP CALLS!

All I could see was “blurry”, eyes smoky, mind in disarray. A heavy heart, a teary eyes, hands shaking(Depression)…lips dark(substance abuse)!
Total confusion, loss of hope, lack of trust in anything or anyone. Turned to be a junkie or a druggie(Drug addiction)! Felt cheap jumping from Him to Him(sexual addiction). Repeated thoughts that got me scared(Obsessive-compulsive disorder). A transition from low to high(Bipolar disorder). Fear of something, nothing and anything(PHOBIA).
All in the mind!
Mental health has been left in the dark for so many years. We have decided not to pay so much attention to it.
In African countries, mental health issues often come last on the list of the policy makers. This is because most of its countries are characterized by low income, high prevalence of communicable diseases and malnutrition, low life experience and poorly staffed services.
Morbidity and disablement due to mental illness receive very little attention from the government.
Most African countries have NO mental health policies or programs or action plans. Most African countries also lack a reliable information system which prevents people from being aware.
People of Africa have been made to hold on to a judgement of stigmatization to any form of mental illness.
No one’s life is clean. We ALL are psychological beings trying to figure out life, we ALL experience challenging events in life. We all need some help.
There is NO crime in letting your heart out or sharing with someone what you are going through.
Moreso, educating people about the various disorders as well as the preventive measures and self-help tips will go a long way in healing your heart.
I have my story, you have your story that has made us mentally broken one way or the other.
We can’t continue to pretend everything is fine all the time when deep down behind those “sharp haircuts” and attractive faces filled with makeup WE are suffering.
Supersoullifters is here to bring back the lost souls, help those in need of encouragement, assist the shattered mind and to put smiles on the faces of those who have lost the essence of living.
Love,
Soremekun Eniola
Mental Health Educator for Supersoullifter

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I AM BEAUTIFUL!

The very unfortunate thing is that people who should be confident about who God has created them to be tend to hate who they are. The pretty ones find themselves ugly, the ugly ones find themselves pretty. But its not even about the looks now, its about the inner self. Most poeple find themselves not good enough which is a resolution that has been made from the inside which then reflects on the outside.
Outward beauty is vain but inner beauty brings joy to the hearts of many.
Its not surprising that men and women who exaggerate their outter look or even those who try as much as possible to be like someone else either in dressing or talking manner actually have a problem with their inner self. They have a deficiency in self-worth which is due to a lack of continuous appreciation of one’s actual self.
However, this can be worked on but continuously prophesying positive words like “I am beautiful”. There is a secret which states that whatever one truly feels or think about one’s self will eventually come to pass as it applies to the “law of attraction”…think it, feel it and be it!!!
This week, I urge you to speak to yourself, see yourself as beautiful, because you’re beautiful.
Say to yourself every now and then: I AM BEAUTIFUL.

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A heavy heart or a happy heart?

So imagine this, you make up in the morning feeling terrible about the previous day- could have been as a result of an argument with a friend, a misunderstanding between you and your folks, or an ugly conversation with your spouse. Whatever it was definitely left you feeling bad the following morning. It happens to most of us…especially those of us that are human(LOL). It is normal but it could actually be avoided most of the time.
As for me, I try to figure out what might be the reason for this unexplainably irritating feeling. Then I realised its one of the following;
» when we expect much from others
»when we think we have acted below our expectations.

When we expect much from others but they offend us badly(by falling our hands), we tend to experience this ache and moodiness which leaves us feeling sober, moody and touchy.
Also, when we think we have acted below our own personal expectations this simply means when we react to a situation in a way that we feel we shouldn’t have, we tend to be furious at ourself so rather than show that emotions towards self, we displace on the other person making us to even feel worst about the whole situation.
So I realised this happens alot sometimes. So what can we do?
I can write a whole lot of things to do but its simply one solution I have. Which is: ALWAYS TAKE RESPONSIBILITY.
Brian Tracy says: “you can free yourself from negative emotions and begin to take control of your life by simply saying “I am responsible”!
Sweetheart, imagine the load of negative emotions you will flush out of your system by simply thinking and feeling that statement of taking responsibility?
Think about it…Cheers!

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Be the right person, to find the right person…

Looking for what you do not have in a partner influences the search of a partner. Not willing to work on yourself, to develop, nurture and create yourself but then waiting for a beautiful lady, handsome guy with a nice car and amazing apartment but you aint ready to “do the hardwork” to have your own car/ apartment?.
Whatever standards or criteria you have set for your “to-be” partner, be certain you have similar standards. Of recent, like attracts like…aiming high for the BEST guy/girl simply means you should be somewhere around BEST. If you’re NOT somewhere around your “definition” of your “to-be” guy/gurl, and you end up with one while you’re still beneath or nowhere close,boy! be sure to get choked! Because in the long run, misunderstandings, conflict in values and arguments WILL arise.
A few eye-openers:
» Self-definition(who are you?): this is a question to be answered by everyone. Define yourself, ask others like your mother and close friends what they see in you. Accept your weaknesses and embrace your strengths. Find more about yourself by relating with positive people; invest and read life changing books. Learn to accept your uniqueness.

»Brand yourself: self-packing is a determinant of attracting the right person. The price tag you put on yourself decides your worth. You have to be confident in yourself, dress well but don’t exaggerate. Body grooming is a part of branding. The use of deodarant isn’t a sin. Smell good and look tidy. The way you dress is the way you will be addressed, beyond dressing there is another area you should also focus on like having an educational qualification which attracts people to you.-aspire to know more, learn more and move beyond where others stopped.

»Brush up on your communication skills: Communication is vital: Yes, not everyone is eloquent, but learning new words and relating with people can help you organizing your words and sentences well. Fortunately, some telecommunication companies like MTN have made such things as learning a new word a day, get more information on that to improve your vocabulary. Don’t vex when people try to correct your wrong sentences, it will help you later.
Many of us want so much from our “to-be” partners, but are we willing to do those things you want to see in them?

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Coping with the Final year syndrome…

Final year!!!….the excitement attached also comes with a lot of stress which sometimes makes those in that level tensed up and fearful.
It is overwhelming. No doubt. Some of the experiences at that particular point in one’s life could be:
~Fear of the unknown: some thoughts cone rushing into one’s mind and then you start doubting if you’re ever going to finish well or you might have an extra year.

~workload increases: lecturers begin to bombard you with assignments coupled with the “giant”-project. And you begin to wonder how you will ever going to manage.

~defense mechanisms: some people begin to relieve themselves of stress by focusing more on their appearance(looks, makeup, dress sense) rather than on the most important thing at that point. And some others just begin to look scruffy(rough), while some others just add weight during this period. All these are defense mechanisms are negative ways to coping with stress.
Know that you can balance it up.

~confusion: so many people will experience this. The confusion just comes from nowhere, you are not sure how to read, do your project or even get materials.

~the “I too know” people: you would encounter these category of people who will try to make you feel you are too slow or you are behind schedule in your project. Try to not to pay attention to them because they make you develop fear and anxiety.

So how then can you cope with this saga?
One thing you need to continually put in mind is that “project” is NOT your life. It’s just phase in your life.

»Create a realistic timetable for your own self not for you and your friend(s) or a group; but a personal time table.

»Priotize your work: learn to allocate time for everything you want to do and do them according to their level of importance. Also, learn to work smartly and not just hard. Hard-work is good but smart-work is much more better.

» Learn to achieve something each day. Don’t go a day without achieving something tangible either in the area of reading, assignments or project. To achieve something you need motivation. Self-motivation is vital because you hardly see anyone who would encourage you except prayers from your parents and a few peers.

»Ask for help when you need it. Try not to act like a “know-it-all” and don’t act like a “know-nothing at all” because others have their own problems too so don’t try to frustrate them with yours. But get the necessary information you need by asking the right questions.

» Never use other people’s “time” to operate: don’t try to immitate your friends or mates because some of them might be too slow while some of them might have achieved “something”. Don’t try to work with their own time. Simply, DO YOU!

» Get someone who knows about your “project” topic. This person could be a lecturer in another school, or your uncle who is well-grounded in your project area, or someone who works where you want to carry out your research. Don’t depend on your supervisor alone because sometimes they don’t know anything about your topic.

» listen to your supervisor: this is a very important one. Don’t act like you know more than them even if you sense they really don’t know much about your topic, that’s why you should have a Back-up supervisor who is outside your school(advicably). Relate well with your supervisor by respecting him or her.

Finally,
»Trust yourself, trust your abilities, don’t say you can’t do it. Move on with a positivite mentality and also get informed about what’s going on concerning your project, don’t act like a loner.
Never allow fear, because it slows one down.

I wish you great success in this final year. And a great result this final year too. You can make it!

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The Uprise of Low self esteem…

Many define self esteem as arrogance, selfishness but I agree with Gael Lindenfield’s definition which asserts that :it is a state of being.
In many communities even in Nigeria, People detest the tag of exhibiting a low self esteem…but the truth is many people have this dysfunction. It is not based on an intentional decision, many have developed a low self esteem even right from childhood unconsciously.
The issue at hand is that so many countries lack public education on the subject matter as well as support programs to assist people.

How do people develop a low self esteem?
A few sources of low self esteem is highlighted below;
~a family member who has drug or alcohol problem could hurt a child’s self esteem. A father with drug or alcohol problems will definitely exhibit it one way or the other either by maltreating.
~physical/verbal/sexual or neglection from a parent(such as critical parents, lack of care and affection from parents) could trigger a low self esteem.
~codependent relationships where your inputs are considered “never good enough”…when one is not appreciated.
~disastrous relationships with parents, peers or spouse.
~developmental disability( such as mental retardation, seizure) and chronic diseases such as HIV, STDs etc.
~personal failure such as poor academic performance, divorce, bankruptcy, dropping out of school.

Usually a low self esteem arises from childhood and keeps getting low even unto adulthood if not well addressed.
The negative behavioral consequences results from a ruptured self esteem which could result into a “chronic low self esteem”. A few of such negative consequences are:
~unresolved loss and grief: repressing and denying feelings or not reacting to emotional responses to death of a loved one, a lost relationships.
~self destructive habits such as excessive intake of alcohol, overindulgence in food and gambling.
~Problems with controlling: when an individual over controls people, events or circumstances, that could arise due to a ruptured self esteem.
~ Distorted anger: most times when people express extreme anger, that’s because they have a problem withtheir self-esteem. Anger is a healthy emotion but when distorted, it affects relationship with people.
~Faulty communication: inability to listen to others talk less of comprehending what they actually mean.

However, so many people repress previous unfavorable events which then leads to the development of one or more of the following personality traits which are considered “defense mechanism personalities”(trying to fake good either in a negative or positive way) They include:
~looking good
~pulling in
~acting out
~entertaining
~enabling
~troubled person
~people pleasing
~rescuing
~non-feeling

It is not uncommon to confuse  arrogance with a healthy self esteem. So many people we consider as having a healthy self esteem actually are arrogant. As a person with a healthy self esteem is actually comfortable to be around as they help others build a healthy self esteem as well.
How then can we build a healthy self-esteem?
In a developing country like Nigeria with various cultural beliefs, many people actually shy away from the thought of meeting with a counselor or therapist.
But there are certain self-help tips that one could employ..such is the the write up by “substance abuse and mental health services administration(SAMSHA)…copy and open the link below for self-help tips on developing a healthy self-esteem.

http://store.samhsa.gov/shin/content//SMA-3715/SMA-3715.pdf
For further reading, check out: Model Of self-esteem|LIVESTRONG.COM

I declare this day: A WORRY FREE DAY!

In recognition of the World’s mental health day!
Wow! Sigh! Before I go on, I would like to describe what mental health means…its simply your state of mind, the health status of your mind.
The mind has power! But when things go wrong, the mind loses its power.
Perhaps the title looks dead to you…well I understand that!
I declare this day a worry free day, and that’s in honor and recognition of the world’s mental health day!
Too many people are ruled by their mind instead of them ruling their own mind. Life hits us with so many challenges and unexplainable circumstances that leave us thinking, rethinking and sometimes breaking down!
We say, I can’t even hear my own voice, I’m tired of this,life is so cruel. How do I even get there, how am I going to make it, what is this all about? Those are rhetorical questions we keep asking. But its even worse when we do not get answers to these questions!
We all have differences which makes us perceive situations differently. Due to this mental composition of each human being it is usually observed that we tend to see things differently.

But why worry? Some things that make us worry have been summed up into two:
•fear of making mistakes- so many people want to be seen as perfect. But its okay if you’re not perfect. Its even better if you are not scared of making mistakes. Only a pretender and self-deceiver hasn’t made mistakes.

•Life-threatening events(Negative events)- some things happen to us and it feels like we are never going to come out of them. That’s a lie of the devil. You can come out of any painful event so far you BELIEVE you can. Believing will take you a step further into finding your sense of peace.

I can say you can relate this short piece to any area of your life: relationship, marriage, ministry, academics, business and life generally.
So today, for a change from the normal routine of ruminating and rethinking previous negative events, I urge you to take a break to breath. Do something positive, make yourself happy, and do the same every other day
I declare this day A WORRY-REE DAY!
Be Free loved ones!

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Hello secret woman…

You’re a secret woman who stabs your fellow woman in the back.
You sleep with men who are not yours.
You are the reason so many kids are juvenile because their fathers are no where to be found.
You are the reason so many women are teary every now and then.
You’re a wife who gives herself to other men other than her own man.
You’re the reason why the divorce rate keeps hitting high.
You’re the reason why responsible men turn irresponsible.
You’re the reason why your women-folk have lost their first love.
You forcefully take what is not yours with your seductive lips and your open legs.
You kill the dreams of so many children by taking away their fathers
You poison the minds of men who should be with their wives.
You keep in your bossom men who should have great homes.
You have a “basket full of complains” for your unruly actions but you have forgotten that whatsoever a person’s sows he will reap.
Can a man take fire in his bossom and his clothes not be burnt? Can one go upon hot coals and his feet not be burnt?….Prov. 6:27
Oh secret woman, how hurtful your sting is!
What example are you setting for your daughter?
What seed are you sowing into you Sons?
Hello secret woman, I hope you change your ways.

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Aiming towards a great Home or a beautiful house?…

How many people want to walk down the aisle but take the back door out when the marriage is turbulent? NO ONE!!!
Unpremediated marital problem could have been avoided if only one of the parties decided to “change their mentality” towards “who the right person is” or by understanding the difference between a home and a house. And this could have been done through the help of God.
In this present generation, so many people assume that God is only interested in being in a part or some part of your life. God is always interested in all areas of ones life and that’s why some people do not take it seriously about praying towards having a God-chosen relationship.
Some use their instincts or experience so many even experiment and then end up having the worst nightmare of their lives.
It’s sad to see so many marriages going down the drain and some already in the drain. It hurts when you see old women and men bite their fingers in show of a regretful step they took while they were SINGLE.
Don’t wait till you get marrried before you start praying about your spouse, start now! Don’t even make the mistake of using other people’s time” to operate so much so that you rush into a relationship.
Singlehood is that time when you can make the decision about the man or woman you want in your life. But it takes God’s help to know that because only Him knows the end from the beginning.
Yes, you can say this is a spiritual doctrine about marriage! I agree with you.
But my question is “what do you want? A great home or a beautiful house”?
A few people know that beautiful house is such which is beautiful on the outside but ugly or distorted on the inside. Full of fights, unhappiness, confusion they drive beautiful cars and have such a beautiful house. But they LACK A HOME. A great home is full of God! God is in that house, lives there and abides with the couple. They know they need God so they invite him to come into their house.
Although you might not have a beautiful house at first but if you have a GREAT HOME, through God’s help, you can have a beautiful house but the latter is the most important.
Are you aiming towards a beautiful house or a great home? Is your man beating you up even now that you’re not married to him? Is your fiance cheating on you when you’re not even engaged? Ladies and gentlemen, its that moment we have to start involving God.
He aint some invisible spirit that can’t hear you when you talk to Him. He wants to be involved in ALL areas of your life-relationship, career, health, business, communication, journeys, decison-making…and so on.
So let’s wake up singles even if you’re engaged or so in LOVE with that dude or babe, ask GOD what He thinks and He will surely order your steps.
Don’t fall into the “had I known” category”, do aim for the “Thank God”category. God wants to be involved in your relationship too. Girl, that man doesn’t deserve you if He is beating you as at now in a relationship! Who told you,you can’t have the best? Who told you the good men are finished? Don’t be deceived, if he is beating you now, you sure have to be ready to have your HEAD BROKEN when you get married to Him.
God loves you so much it hurts Him to see you hurt.
You should know this: just as God sends the right one, the devil also presents his own candidates, so watch out!!!!

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Characteristics of a great Home and a beautiful house.
A beautiful house.
• a beautiful house is full of goodies but turbulent.
• a beautiful house lacks stability and continuity.
• a beautiful house may have kids but not glorious kids.
• a beautiful house lacks peace and love
• a beautiful house would always want to BUY GOD.
• a beautiful house does things according to how influential they are.
•a beautiful house may act generous to others because they want to be noticed in the society.
•a beautiful house does things in a FLASHY way.

A GREAT HOME
• A great home is peaceful but may not have so much wealth.
•A great home may not be influential but has God and happiness
• A great home seeks the face of God in all things.
•A great home does things in a MODERATE way.
Which are you aiming at? A great home or a beautiful house?
THINK TWICE SWEETHEARTS OF THE MOST HIGH.
Love you.

Is your life a shrine?…

So much so for a week I must say! You learn alot when you leave your comfort zone to mingle with other people.
Is your life a shrine? Many atimes we leave ourself to experience whatsoever comes our way, along the line so many things come in and then we can’t seem to handle the traffic of it all!
You could feel so unhappy at the moment, you could be carrying an unwanted blessing at the moment, you could be questioning your present behaviour, or maybe you find yourself in a habit you aren’t familiar with. So many things happening in your life and you keep asking “how the hell did all these get into my life?”. I’d like you take a look into your life say 2years ago, you would realise how greatly you have changed. One thing is “In life, we can’t answer all the questions, its either you miss one and get others correctly or you get one correctly and miss others. Meaning no one’s life is 100%. So inbetween the time you are waiting to be successful and now,you will make mistakes, turn left when you’re meant to turn right. The music is playing, the room is dirty, so much smoke and alcohol smell all over the place(all in your life). But the main message mustn’t be avoided which is “to learn and grow”-never lose focus in life.
Is your life a shrine? Take a little time off to breathe, you might not even like what you got yourself into but then you can seem to find a way out, never forget that God wouldn’t allow a problem you can’t handle. People get out of the “Shit”!
So what do you want to do? How can you do it? Who are the people that can help you clean up the mess? How can you get to them? Stay focused!
Have a great week.

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You, Yourself and “Eyes”

Why you act the way you do…
You were brought into the world as an offspring from your Parents, you had no mind of your own, you were so innocent, as a matter of fact, your mind was a blank slate(tabularasa).
Few months later you started learning about the world, you related with your mother, the toys and you graduated to playing with your peers. All these while you were picking up something from the environment called EXPERIENCE.
To present day, you went to school, travelled for summer, related with people, got a job or had your own business.
The mind is a tabularasa, the environment i.e. your experiences determine your behaviour. There is a mutual connection between the events that occur in your environment and your actions.
If for instance, you failed an examination or was heart broken from an unsuccesful relationship, it would influence your mentality towards academic life and your relationship towards the opposite sex respectively.
So why do you act the way you do? I will highlight a few points that will serve as an eye-opening towards understanding why you act the way you do.
An end has come to you trying to figure out why you behave in a certain way or why people complain about your actions or why you don’t like somebody or get attracted to them or why you suddenly dislike people or even feel depressed. Here is WHY!

»The first is the ANALYSIS OF THE MIND: the mind has a part called the unconscious. So the influence of unconscious fears, thoughts, desires and motivation determines our behaviour and our personality. This can be seen in our everyday life, when fearfulness and hurtful desires take over and influence our decison making.
Also, there are some biological forces in the mind called the INSTINCTS, yeaah this what many people call that “spirit” or “something was speaking to Me”. The insticts is made up of two sides called the Life and death- the life is that which is responsible for the creative self and survival thinking-that mindset that propels you to get food when you’re hungry or decide an escape route when in danger. The death instinct is responsible for hatred and aggressive behavior. Yes, that feeling that makes you beat up your wife, or slap your daughter or even yell at employER. That sounds familiar right? All those actions are determined by your instincts.

»The second is THOUGHT PATTERN: many at times our thinking influences our actions and relationship with other people. Thinking is how we reason, the manner in which we perceive things through our senses and process them and use them. We apply thinking in every area of our life, in our career, in our relationship, marriage, business organization, decision making and so on. It is even present in determining the location of your next vacation, the pattern of decorating your houses, the color of dress to wear to an event, the type of weave you should have on, what car to buy, what house to build-a bungalow or duplex, how to propose to your fiancee, what kind of food to eat. Thinking is in everyday. And it controls our everyday behaviour. Even the negative ones-such as excessive drinking of alcohol, getting high on drugs, having unprotected sex, sex with different people, cheating on spouse, excessive spending of money, suicidal ideation and so on.
Thinking is vital. It should be done approriately.

»The third, which is the last is CULTURAL INFLUENCE: hmmm, well, this is a very important point of why you act the way you do. First I must say that as individuals, we have to learn to accept people the way they are. Okay! Cultural influences talks about how your ethnic identity, culture, conformity in the society, stereotypes influence your behaviour. Some people act based on where they were brought up, some act based on stereoptypical mentality that has been imbided in them right from time, some others just conform to what they see others do, that’s why we see so many people dress alike and then we don’t know who is who, because they just live to conform.
Your culture determines what value(s) you hold, your attitudes and even your social life.
The three points stressed above are interwined and will help just anybody as well as to give an insight into why you do What you do, its short but insightful.
I will be glad to read your comments and answer your questions.
BB Pin: 2843A6A2

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Amazing Grace…

You remember that bible passage that says you shouldn’t say you will do something tomorrow because you never can tell if tomorrow will come but in all you do, always say “by God’s grace”. Do you know how weighty that statement is? God knows that somethings wouldn’t work out when we plan them, so you can say ” man proposes but God disposes”.
Many people have so much trust in their abilities and capacity to do things without acknowledging God. Imagine someone who plans on traveling abroad but died a day before, imagine a mother who just delivered a baby girl but lost her life through loss of blood just a few hours after then, imagine a young girl who just went out to visit a friend or went shopping and then recieves a straight bullet from some gunmen, imagine a man who was to speak at an event just to lose his life on his way there! The list can be on and on and this page will be exhausted. That is to say that without “God’s grace” which is more like the fear of God and respect for his majesty you wouldn’t achieve all that you plan to achieve at all or even at the right time.
We do things on our own because we feel we have a special ability to decode or plan, we let God out of our business because we feel “we’ve got what it takes”. So many people in the grave yard have got what it takes even more than you can imagine.
This is not to say God is so strict, wicked, or uncaring. Infact His love for you is unthinkable! It doesnt matter if you believe in Him or not, whether you are a Christian or not. What matters is God loves everyone period! He DOESN’T love one more than the other. He only SHOWS MERCY to those whom he wants to show mercy on. He is not partial but you need his GRACE.
Here a few thoughts.
» Ask for God to show you mercy on a daily basis.
» He is not so far as you think, He is all around you but if you let Him into your heart then He will reside therein(How awesome that is).
» If you don’t know this then let me spill it, “It is only those He compels to go to his son(Jesus) that can get to Him (No one can get to the son except the father compels Him to come). That’s why some people don’t still give their life even after preaching to them, don’t FORCE Them. So if He doesn’t touch your heart, you can’t give your life to Jesus. So pray for God to save you or your friends who are soaked in the world, and those whom do not believe God @ all.
» He is a FOOL who says there’s no God! So how did you get into the world? Through some scientific manipulations? Or oduduwa? Welcome to 2012 buddy! God is real!
» Whether you believe Him or not, He superdopper loves you. If not, your Mum would have aborted you or something. But He has a purpose for your life and that must stand ONLY BY HIS GRACE.
Think about this and remember to always Acknowledge God.
Okay, I love you all I need some sleep!
Your Dearest,
Eniola Grace

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The Life-supporting machine!

So many people have funny belief systems concerning God, Jesus or the holy spirit, some even believe that serving God is awkward or socially unacceptable, so they try to run away from God, his word and his son.
No doubt some are ashamed to acknowledge God, or publicly acknowledge him because they feel people are watching them, rating them and assessing their lives. We weren’t created for religion but we were created for relationship, so how do you relate with others if you can’t relate with God?
The life supporting machine is God’s word. The period we spend with him through his word would reflect in our lives. Oh, wondering why u keep going back to that same old you-the sin,the immoral sexual act etc. Or you are wondering why things are not going well for you, your job is not coming up well, business is crashing, life seem so horrible and you are overly unhappy with your life, its simply because “you have disconnected yourself from the life support machine(God’s word), He wants you to spend quality time with him the way you would talk to your spouse for hours, the way you discuss business contracts for weeks, the way you work on a project for a year, that same way you should spend time with God, you shouldn’t go a day without hearing from your partner, spouse. Time will tell, people will notice the change in you, your life will become brightened, you will feel special because you have decided to spend time with God. God is no evil person, He is a friend, a lover, someone who is ready to listen to you whenever, wherever and however you want to do it, he doesn’t need your money but he is ready to give you all you can ever ask or think.
Here:
•A life support machine helps you to saty alive his word keeps you alive.
• LSM helps you to be on-check for a second chance to live, his word helps you to assess your life so you can live.
•If you disconnect yourself from his word, you will begin to do those things you said you will not do again.
• you begin to feel your life is too slow,then begin to venture into shortcuts to success just because you can’t wait for God’s time.
• you tend to make decicions that you will regret later when you are disconnected from the life supporting machine(God’s word).
» ” People did not think it was important to have a true knowledge of God, so God left them and allowed them to have their own worthless thinking and to do things they should not do” Romans 1:28 NCV.
Can you imagine? God himself, already knew these category of people and so he prepared this word for them in Romans. Those people who do not seek him first in all that they do. Those who run away from him because they are scared of earthly criticism. To think of it, even without God in your life people will criticise you so why bother yourself when He is capable of shutting their mouths if you are for Him?
Think about it darlings of the most high.
Have a blessed weekend.

The Two Voices Within…

I was listening to Joel Osteen a renowned speaker in the U.S and I coined that title from his powerful message(now I can’t recall the title of his message).
In our spirit, there are “two voices” who speak to us-the “good guy” and the “bad guy”. The former inspires us, encourages, and keeps you moving towards a positive direction while the latter does the opposite.
The good voice tells you why you should go for your dreams and aspire to be great, it encourages you to keep on working towards losing those added weights, this voice encourages you to keep on working at breaking off from that addiction, or to work at being a better employee and a icer boss. This voice is awesome.
The bad voice of course tells you so many reasons why you shouldn’t do them, it keeps your mind from it and makes you develop fear at achieving your aim. Well, that’s why its the “bad” guy.
These two voices occupy our mind, so many times you want to come out of that depression, unforgiveness, unhealthy relationship, then the “bad guy” comes telling you “how a failure you are or how powerless you will be without that guy.
But you and I know you can’t continue to listen to that bad voice, that negative voice, and start paying attention to that small still voice that tells you, you are not a failure, you can be the best, that you can come out of that addiction, that you can improve on your grades, that you can make it even without engaging in self-diminishing acts.
I tell you, when you begin to pay attention to that good voice, you will notice so many positive changes in you.
In summary, the bad voice is responsible for insecurities, low self-worth. While the good voice is responsible for a healthy self-esteem and self-worth.
You may ask, have I tried it? Yes I have it worked for me in many areas of my life and its still working for me…making me believe that even when I am in the midst of thorns, I can come out of it.
But friends, its your CHOICE!
Enjoy your weekend.

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